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Week Four:

Oh you naysayers have a lot of nerve.  So, Grecian Hills is too formulaic, eh?  We're driving ourselves with far too much Nitrous Oxide and adrenaline?  We're going to crash and burn with such intense storylines?  "She canna take much more cap'n?"

If you've agreed with any of the previous drivel, then you don't know Grecian Hills.

Weeks ago we alluded to the appearance of Lucas the cabana boy.  A stealth citizen, little have we known about his true self.  Seemingly beyond approach, he fancies himself a Casanova among so many fumbling fools.  However, his tainted mind has finally gone too far.  For last week, in a blaze of orgasmic glory he shared his self with several females, only to be caught by one woman's husband.  Streaking across the streets he was finally hit by a car, driven by none other than Mayor O'Connor.  The ambulance too late to save his beleaguered and naked form, leaves a stricken Coen at the scene.  The Mayor, shocked by both the streaking citizen, his part in the ultimate death of said citizen, and what this might mean for his career, dissolved into tears.  However, though Lucas may be dead, his legacy will certainly live on, among so many indiscrete citizens.

Speaking of public indecency, just as Alex and Dieter suspected, Stefan's public declaration was little more than a stunt to cultivate the waning mystery and excitement in his love affair.  Fearing that the electricity that they'd once shared with his lover was gone, Stefan played up to the hysteria, craving the attention he had once garnered in Hollywood.

"Scandal sells," he said to the Grecian Hills Gazette.

"I was bored, I wanted more customers.  So what if I had to put on orange for a few days.  IT WAS WORTH IT.  I have so many cut and colors I'm beside myself.  It's glorious!"

His mistreatment of justice has left him with an enormous fine he plans on paying incrementally (which he assures the press is pittance compared to the business it has garnered), and it has left the town with a murderer still on the loose.  Will Alex and Dieter ever find the clue that will prove the killer's identity beyond a shadow of a doubt?  Will people grow lax in their paranoia with such a drawn-out case?

Just when the writers were starting to worry on how to discover the thread in the tapestry of resolution, an overlooked piece of evidence...  Perhaps some of you will recall that Pedro was a suspect because of the infamous detail of gum wrappers being left at the scene.  However, Pedro being wrapped in infallibility and not brazen enough to dabble in death by daylight, wasn't given a second thought by our crime-fighting duo.  If Pedro didn't kill Janni, who did?  (Obviously the question on all of our minds.)  However, a better question might be, if the killer didn't leave the gum wrappers, who did?  Was there a witness to this horrible crime?  If so, why have they not come forward?

Alex, acting on a hunch, and with much apprehension, approached his suspected witness.

Our boy genius, besieged by the attentions of young Melanie, had tried to deny her growing interest in him.  Rebuffing her attention, he had done a preliminary check on who she was, her personal circumstances, etc, as much as it disgusted him.  One thing that he had noticed was her girlish interests, note writing, dolls, boys, and perfecting the art of blowing bubbles with her pink, smelly gum.  The stench permeated her infantile writings.  How to approach her?  For to go to her house would be just the thing she'd be driven to madness for; she'd positively explode in an exothermic reaction of young love.  Could Alex handle the weight of her crush in the confines of her girlish abode?  Knowing that he might be the only one Melanie would open up to, he grimaced as he made the ultimate sacrifice and walked to her home.  Melanie just might be the link that he and Dieter have been seeking all along.

Thus, where does this leave our loyal fans?  And more importantly, what about Vale?

Ah yes, the last time we saw Vale it was flat on her back, assaulted by the sight of Bradley and Vivien.  How did she handle them after losing her infamous composure?

For years she has entertained the fantasy of having Bradley back in her realm, in order to sort him out, and rend him to pieces with her controlled revenge.  Her fainting spell was the culmination of all of her anger erupting into one white-hot flurry of anger and excitement realized.  Her moment for vengeance had come.

Her plan was quickly modified to include her sister, Vivien.  A perfect dupe and decoy for her intricately woven plot, her venom will strike the hearts of both of those she had cared for so long ago.  For Vale had ceased caring for Viv years ago, after she had comprehended that her mirror image was little more than a cipher within her soul, a cheap imitation of what a person could be.  Always weak, and prone to fits of jealous sickly desperation, she was the epitome of all things that Vale disrespects in human beings.

Ah, but my fair friends this is not the end of this week's declarations.  For, what of Pedro and Claudette?  Of Eslé?

Claudette recently learning that all her preconceived hatred was hollow, has begun the difficult task of making amends.  Continuing her depravity online with Pedro, lustily seeking his amorous attention, and now open to a new dynamic in her relationship to both the corporeal and cyber man, will she find happiness in her former enemy's arms?  This week, expect her to open both his door and his heart, when she apologizes for her past injustices.

As for our morally challenged menial maven, Eslé, her cruel treatment of boy genius, Alex, has left him to plot her undoing.  Knowing his heart to be pure, and his lust true, he has begun to plot her enlightenment to both his mental and his physical prowess.  Will he embarrass himself or will this resident intellect prove everyone wrong?

Ah, but fair ones, I cannot tell you more.  For as our naysayers will continue on, we must hold back some factoids for another episode...

Week Three:

Ah, the long awaited funeral episode.  Difficult developments in mortuary science have kept you in suspense for longer than we had anticipated.  However so many things have happened that the writers, to be fair needed time to stew on how best to present the alarming occurrences.  In fact, we're still reeling.

Who could have suspected that the murderer would confess, AT the event to mourn their victim's passing?  (Well to be fair, Alex and Dieter were on hand just in case such an audacious move was made.  Hot on the trail of the elusive assassin, they knew that anyone brazen enough to kill in daylight might just be bold enough to defile a church service.)  Who knew that Eslé would react so severely, as only she can be, to Alex's attention.  Such heartless vindictive retorts shouldn't be directed at such innocent genius.  This all fails to mention the further jolt of two long lost Grecian Hills refugees turning up at Vale's unsuspecting door.

However, we digress, on with the exposition, then the explanation.

The church was filled to capacity with the loud and questing town residents, all anticipating fireworks from the suspects that sat near the coffin.  The rumors about Janni's sex were confirmed for all to see during the viewing, as the church disallows gender bending within its walls.  However it was the events that transpired both during and after the funeral rites that have caused citizens to be wary of not only strangers, but their best friends as well.

The funeral commenced with the organ, flowers, and somber overtone appropriate for such a dismal event, even the peanut gallery bowed their heads in silent homage to the dead.  However, no one could stifle their giggles at the questionable handling of Janni's gender.

Click here for an example of the pastor's gender confusion

Recognized for his irreverent style, the pastor obviously found the sordid tale of sex, murder, and lies entertaining.  In that same vein, the congregation was disturbed to find that rather than go for her normal fare of sleazy and provocative songs, Claudette honored Janni's memory with her honest and sincere rendition of the church classic, "Amazing Grace." Both her musical selection and her rarely expressed innocence brought tears to the scandal hungry masses.

Claudette's shocking performance

It was only after the shock of Claudette's performance diminished and the pastor began his lofty eulogy (treading lightly with unspecific gender pronouns), that the masses were appeased and received what they had dressed so carefully in somber hues for.  Who would have suspected that the murderer was none other than famous stylist to the stars, and recent Grecian Hills resident, Stefan Luis Caron?  Alex and Dieter were visibly stunned (for their clues had not led them to Stefan's doorway), and he made his loud and savory declaration.  Not to be outdone, they ran in a fit of justice-driven haste and accosted Stefan before he could make his escape.

He called out:

"I KILLED JANNI!  I CAN'T STAND THE BURDEN OF SHAME AND REGRET ANYMORE!!!  I never meant to!  I just couldn't help myself!

"You see, I commented on his...HER lustrous locks.  Janni was always sensitive; I just couldn't stop myself.  She made a pass at me, I was offended, and I'm taken.  EVERYone knows that!  I-I-I knew that she had a sensitivity to her hairline, so I said it, I admit it!  'What are you hiding Janni.  That can't be a man's hair.  Were you switched at birth?'

"Janni was angry, she struck out at me.  I had to defend myself.  My words slung like arrows pierced her lying heart, and I struck her with my scissors.  I stabbed her and now she's dead.  Now we know the truth; it's my fault.  I killed Janni.  Please, punish me for my sins.  I can't be a hair stylist knowing that I broke my moral code."

After his silence-inducing soliloquy, a now sobbing Stefan was escorted to the city jail by several haughty police officers, where they left a frenzied crowd and a bemused crime-fighting duo in their wake.

Later that week, Vale vindicated by Stefan's public confession, left Rectify early only to be overwhelmed by the sight of both her long lost twin sister and former fiancée sharing coffee in her breakfast nook.  Uncharacteristically fainting, she was chilled to the core to see their disinterested eyes gazing into her bewildered ones.

Sadly, we have not learned the full details of their first painful meeting.  However, it has been reported that Vale did not return to work the next day, due to illness, an event that no one could recall occurring at Rectify Beauty Corporation ever before.  Just what transpired that afternoon, is anyone's guess.

Lastly, though the case of Janni Geldenhuis' homicide seems closed to Grecian Hills, Alex and Dieter remain unconvinced.  Do they know something we don't?  What evidence leads them to believe that Janni's killer remains free?  Why did Stefan confess?

Additionally, why have Bradley and Vivien returned after so many years?  To what ends?  Will Vale lose her grip with reality?

Find out next week...

Week Two:

For a precious few of you out there, a minute hint was all it took to understand the ramifications of Janni's murder.  Janni, as he was mentioned as a masseuse, rather than the gender appropriate "masseur" was a FEMALE.  This shocking detail quaked the town, as the coroner's report was made official.  A vendetta of lesbian lust gone horribly wrong?  A misunderstanding?  Just who was Janni, and how was she able to keep her secret so successfully?

Things do not look good for Pedro, as his signature gum wrappers were left at the scene, however, was this merely a clever ploy by Vale?  Her stormy exit from the company picnic still makes her a key suspect.  How will Dieter solve this case without potential harm to himself?  What mayhem will the Carluso family manufacture for the citizens of Grecian Hills.  Is anyone safe?

Claudette, frenzied by her late night debauchery online, decides to seek out the male populace of Grecian Hills, to discover the only man capable of fulfilling her desires.  Only he knows her fantasies, but will she discover the truth?  Will another man be endowed with the prowess of her late night cyber companion?  Will Claudette find completion merely learn to fake it?

Meanwhile, Jeanette begins to grow lonely with the solitary nights spent at the claustrophobic condominium she shares with Avery.  In a fit of resignation, and hoping for companionship she takes Dr. Letcher's offer for dinner.  Shocked by his familiarity at the end of the evening, she fails to notice Avery in a torrid embrace with Angie in the housing development playground.

The investigation continues as Dieter teams up with amorous Alex to search for Janni's killer.  Perhaps someone other than Grecian Hills' resident vixen, Vale knew of Janni's true gender.  A former flame?  A disgusted homophobic?  The search continues, and the answer is sure to shock the fans of the show.

Melanie, the child borne of Angie and Beau, is having a tough time with her immoral mama, and cuckolded father.  Adapting to her mother's mania, she develops a large crush on Alex, boy genius.  A child of ten, in both body and mind, Melanie has no chance to hold the interest of such an advanced student of the female sex.

Coming Soon...

The man who jilted Vale so despicably so many years ago, shows up on her doorstep, with a woman Vale never expected to see ever again.  How will Vale cope with such a traumatic blow, especially when she's already under investigation for the murder she claims she didn't commit?

We are introduced to the mayor of our fair town.  With a shady past and possible ties to the IRA and the gun trade, has Grecian Hills fallen prey to the destructive corruption rife in all political circles?

Eslé finds herself with yet another suitor...who will play a key part in next week’s funeral services for the mysterious masseuse.

Expect Lucas, the cabana boy, to make an earth shattering appearance...

Week One:

Things are beginning to heat up in the inaugural season of Grecian Hills.

Claudette is a lonely girl and she has finally found true happiness with an online companion.  Late into the night she satisfies herself with his words and his * actions * -- little does she know that her online compadre is none other than her neighbor the mobster underling, Pedro.

Eslé however, has discovered that she's been scoped out as a stalking target by boy genius Alexander Rorschach.  Only eleven years old, his I.Q. is off the charts, and so is his lust for the lovely Eslé.  Forgoing the chance at stardom at an elite Ivy League institution, Alex enrolls in Grecian Hills Polytechnic to be closer to his ladylove.

However, not all is right at the Rectify Beauty Corporation.  After a disastrous affair with her masseuse, Vale Soddenfeld leaves the company picnic with revenge on her mind.

Two hours later his body is found battered and broken on the street corner near office headquarters...